Scripts and decision rules for ADHD, autism, and mixed-neurotype relationships. Organised by failure mode, not diagnosis. Built for Tuesday night, not the therapy session.
There are already books that explain neurodivergent relationships. This is not one of them. This book gives you the protocols — what to say, when to stop, and what to do when the system fails.
The market is full of books that explain how ADHD and autism affect relationships. None of them hand you a script for the moment your partner is in sensory overload and you are trying to have a conversation about the dishes.
Not by diagnosis. Not by who is neurodivergent. Each chapter names a specific collision that happens in neurodivergent relationships — the entryway conflict, the sensory spiral, the executive function cascade — and installs a protocol to resolve it.
No aspirational solutions. Every protocol is designed for real conditions: two tired people, fluctuating capacity, competing needs. If it does not work when one of you is dysregulated, it is not in this book.
"Understanding the diagnosis explains the collision. The protocol stops it." Alex Merrett
Every script, decision rule, and protocol in this book was built against nine operational constraints drawn from the research and from the one-star reviews of every competitor in the category.
Scripts work regardless of which partner is neurodivergent. ADHD, autism, mixed-neurotype, and fully neurodivergent couples are all addressed without assuming a default neurotype.
Every prescription must be ND-specific or it is cut. "Communicate openly" is not a protocol. "Say these five words when your partner is in transition overload" is.
Tuesday night. Small apartment. Two tired people. Every protocol works under those conditions or it does not appear in this book.
The book is organised by failure mode, not diagnosis. You do not need to understand the neuroscience of RSD to use the RSD circuit-breaker script.
Context is brief. Scripts, decision trees, and checklists are extensive. The ratio is intentional: understanding comes from doing, not from reading.
50/50 division of labour fails in neurodivergent households because capacity fluctuates. Every load-distribution protocol is capacity-based, not fairness-based.
US English. No religious framing. No clinical jargon used as a substitute for plain instruction. If the reader needs a definition to use the tool, rewrite the tool.
Each protocol specifies the exact moment to abandon it if it fails to de-escalate. Knowing when to stop is as important as knowing how to start.
No ice cubes. No cold water. No physical discomfort as a regulation strategy. Every regulation protocol uses language, space, and timing as its tools.
Every protocol in this book is anchored by a five-word script. Short enough to use when dysregulated. Specific enough to work. The Verbal Shortcut System runs through every chapter.
Each chapter names a specific failure mode, explains why it happens in neurodivergent relationships, and installs a protocol to resolve it. Open to the chapter that describes your biggest friction point.
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Scripts and decision rules for ADHD, autism, and mixed-neurotype relationships. Coming soon.